I Have been trying so hard to not let my dad get to me and just handle it here, telling myself that I only have to be here one more year but I can't even help it. I can't handle being here another year. I would honestly rather kill myself then be here and yea that may sound dramatic, but it really would be better then putting up with all of this because although its only another year here I'm never going to really get away from him and everything he has done. I'm so tired of fighting all the time and trying to not have some sort of nervous break down. I'm just so tired of being here. It's not fair that I can leave and go stay with my sister and actually be happy for a while so I know true happiness does exist outside of this house and then I have to come back here and be misserable. It's like I can only be happy for a short while and then I have to come back to hell. That's exactly how it feels. It's hard to not get depressed, and try not to cut, and try to eat when I'm dealing with all of this. I really just wanna give up.
Also, I don't understand that my mom knows everything he has ever done to us kids so why in the world wouldn't she try to get us all away from this? If you have 6 kids and every single one of them is fucked up then maybe it's not the kids, maybe its you.I'm tired of being expected to be perfect and being punished when I'm not. I just can't handle all of this anymore, I don't wanna die but I don't wanna live either and I sure don't wanna be here with them any longer..I just can't stand being here.
- Current Mood: depressed
I hate feeling like crap. I'm so tired...tired of eatting and tired of cutting and also tired of fighting with my boyfriend about it all too. He's kinda driving me nuts about my whole eatting issue. What really sucks is tomorrow is his birthday but i'm starting fasting today and so hopefully we don't go out to eat..and then the next day is the 4th of July and we're going to family friends and micky is coming w/me and my parents and idk who else and so I'm gonna have different people there watching me eat..or rather not eat.GRR I'm juss so stressed out!!
- Current Mood: stressed
- Current Mood: blank
- Current Mood: aggravated
Well today has SUCKED!I ate so much today and me and my b/f broke up today and everything else but I like another guy and I have my diet pills back and I'm starting fasting tomorrow til friday maybe saturday so yea, it'll all be good!!
- Current Mood: numb
- Current Mood: moody
Hey every1, well ok I just tonite took my first Stacker3 and already it has given me more energy and I was hungry before I took it but it subsided my hunger and completely took away my appetite and so when I start workin out more hopefully it'll make me drop like 5-10 lbs!! If it works really well I'll post more so others can try it!
- Current Mood: pleased
- Current Mood: crappy